


Losing You

by imaginescerek



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, FSA Week, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 02:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4944157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginescerek/pseuds/imaginescerek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in his life, Derek had someone who loved him. Truly loved him. So when Scott said that no matter what happens in the future he would never leave, Derek believed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [prompt](http://imagineyourotp.tumblr.com/post/38937918201/imagine-person-a-finally-waking-up-from-a-long)

For the first time in his life, Derek had someone who loved him. Truly loved him. Someone he never have to worry about leaving because he was a werewolf. Neither did he have to worry about being betrayed because Scott may barely be out of his teenage years but he was already a better man than Derek could dream of being. So when Scott said that no matter what happens in the future he would never leave, Derek believed him.

Then there was the accident. All of Scott’s injuries healed themselves but his eyes never opened. Not even Deaton could give an answer as to what was causing it. Every test said that he was as healthy as a 21 year old should have been but he just refused to wake up.

A month passed by. Then two. Then three. They had put Scott up at the hospital for better care. Derek was there everyday as soon as visiting hours began until the time he got kicked out. He would talk to Scott about random things because that was what you were supposed to do when someone was in a coma. But sometimes he would just stare, willing for Scott to open his eyes. Other times, he would beg but only when they were alone (the pack would always come to visit, Stiles almost as stubborn as Derek about leaving. And Melissa pretty much lived in the hospital now days).

It was the 116th day when Derek walked in the hospital, exactly at 9am, he stopped in his tracks to when he saw Melissa crying. There was no way Scott was dead. He healed. All that was left was for him to wake up from the coma. Melissa saw Derek, standing there with a terrified look in his eyes. It took her three tries for Derek to hear what she was saying.

"Scott's awake."

That was when Derek realized the tears were not tears of loss. They were of joy.

"Can I?"

He didn't have to finish that sentence for her to know what he was talking about. She nodded and Derek was walking past her before she could say more.

Derek could barely contain his excitement. It's been almost four months since he saw those beautiful brown eyes. Almost four months since he heard Scott say his name, hell say anything. Almost four months since he has heard Scott say that he loved him back.

Walking into the room, he had the biggest smile on his face, the one he only reserved for the man in front of him. "Scott." It was barely audible but he knew the younger man heard it.

Scott looked up from his place on the bed, confusion on his face. Derek had every intention of going over and kissing him until they were both gasping for air. But before he could even move Scott opened his mouth. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

For the first time in his life, Derek didn't have to worry about being left behind or betrayed. For the first time ever, he learned that maybe there was something that was worse.

* * *

Derek ran. He tried his best to focus on his speed, rhythm, breathing, surroundings, anything but his thoughts.

It has been two weeks since Scott woke up. All that Derek knew was that he was okay in every way except for one, he couldn’t remember Derek.  At first the older werewolf thought that Scott was messing around, Stiles was his best friend after all. But when it was clear that he was not, he panicked.

They had called in the doctor. Two hours later, he was told that Scott might have selective amnesia. Scott remembered everything, his mom, Stiles, Allison even being a werewolf but not Derek, Isaac, or Cora.

Derek knew it was a terrible but he found some solace in the fact that he was not the only one Scott forgot. Scott would not approve but he was not here, was he? Not his Scott anyway. But he could not get rid of the nagging thought that the only ones that Scott did not remember were those who were associated with him. His first beta, his sister.  

Scott always said that he did not want to leave but maybe deep down he did. Maybe his subconscious just showed him the way. Maybe it was time to let him go.

Derek pushed himself to run faster.

* * *

Scott flopped down on his bed. It’s been a long day at work. He had the semester off from college after missing the first half of the semester.

He still had a hard time believing that he was in a coma. A werewolf, an alpha no less and his body had not healed itself out of one. It was unheard of. He could understand how this would be a cause for worry. His mom still hovered beside him despite his assurances that he was fine.

They both knew that was not entirely true. He was missing a few details, mainly Derek. He heard enough when he was still in the hospital to know that the man he met the morning he woke up was someone who was close to him. That was the only explanation for someone who spent three months in the hospital by his bedside. Scott wondered how close. Everyone told him that they were nothing more than pack members. It was as if they forgot that he could detect their lies. Scott just needed to find out why they felt the need to hide things from him.

For the first week Derek came around to meet him. They both had tried to get Scott to remember something about their relationship. Scott felt a pang of guilt whenever he thought about the heartbroken look on Derek’s face every time they failed. He has yet to see Derek after that first week although he knew the older man checked in with Melissa daily.

Scott was initially relieved that when Derek stopped visiting him. It meant that he did not have to see Derek lose hope of him every remembering them. That relief slowly turned into sadness. Stiles had said that it was an alpha missing presence of his beta. But Scott knew that was not it. Isaac was his beta he had no recollection of too and he never felt his absence as much as he did Derek’s.

If Scott was being true to himself, it was more than sadness. It was a similar feeling he got when he and Allison broke up. He was longing for the presence of the other and it frustrated him. A stranger should not invoke the same feeling as someone he once loved. The thoughts like that one were brought an ache to his chest. It made him want someone to be honest with him. He just needed someone to be honest with him.

He was too tired to do anything now but in the morning he was going to find Derek and get some answers.

* * *

In the end, finding out where Derek lived was not hard at all. Melissa gave his address with less reluctance than Scott anticipated. She even told him that Derek was probably at home at the moment when he mentioned about visiting him. Scott left immediately hoping that his mother was right. The last thing he wanted was for Derek to have an excuse to avoid him.

Taking off his helmet, Scott looked up at the high rise where Derek’s apartment was. He hoped that the older man was at home. He parked his motorcycle and made his way to the floor the apartment was on. He walked down the hallway, more nervous than he thought he would be. Scott wanted answers but honestly, he did not know how to get them.

The door to Derek’s apartment opened before he could even raise his hand to knock on it. Scott took a good look at Derek. He looks worse than he did the last Scott saw him. It looked like Derek had not slept through the night in a while. But nothing was as bad as the sadness in his eyes. Scott hated it.

It dawned on Scott that he had no idea what is he wanted to even say now that he was here but was saved the trouble when Derek spoke first, “What’s wrong?”

“Is that how you usually greet your guests?”

“You’re not-,” Derek stopped himself. Things didn’t need to be more awkward between them than they already were. “A lot of bad things happen around here, it’s a reasonable question.”

“Guess you’re right.” Scott shifted, suddenly feeling nervous. “Can I come in?”

Derek’s expression hardened. There was nothing in him that wanted to let Scott in, not the one standing in front of him. Not the one who had no idea that he was the one who found the apartment in the first place or that he has spent the first week there with Derek just so his scent will be all over the place even when he was not around. It was supposed to be their home. It was until the accident. Scott spent a lot of his time here.

It was subtle but Scott caught the slight frown and the tighter grip of the door frame. Scott was sure that Derek going to refuse to let him in. He was already planning strategies to weasel his way in but was saved the effort when Derek moved to give him way.

Scott stepped in hurriedly, just in case Derek changed his mind. His eyes roamed all over the apartment. It was simple, just the basics and slightly lacking of personal items. Derek scent was all over the room but he also knew that Stiles has been here recently. Lydia too. He smiled at the hint of blueberry pancakes in the air, those were his favorite.Something told him it felt different which was weird because he has never been here before. Except that he probably has just with no memories of it. Just a theory.

Derek watched as Scott looked around. He felt a pang of sadness when he didn’t see any sort of recognition. Maybe that was his fault. Anything that felt personal, anything that turned his apartment into a home was removed. He couldn’t stand opening the door and finding pictures that Scott had deliberately placed around the room or the books that Scott had gotten him. The plants that Scott insisted on, the trinkets he got from college, the mementos they kept from the few dates they manage to go to, all gone. They were stored away from his sight. But if there was one thing he was good at, it was disguising his emotions as anger and annoyance. He has been doing it for years.  “What do you want?”

Turning around, Scott couldn’t help but be surprised at Derek’s tone. He never “I wanted to talk. About us.”

“What about us?”

Scott took a step closer to Derek. “Why does everyone keep saying that we’re pack?”

“Maybe because we are,” Derek replied.

Scott shook his head. “No. Why are they saying that’s all we are?”

“Because that _is_ all we are.” There was no lie in his statement. If Scott could not remember him, he could not remember them so right now all they were was pack. And even that depended on Scott not kicking him out.

“I don’t believe you.”

Derek shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”

Scott suppressed a groan. There was no uptick of the other’s heart that he could hear. Nothing about him was said that he was lying but Scott knew he was hiding something. He could feel it. “Why’d you stop coming by the house?”

“Because you didn’t need me anymore,” came the curt reply.

“I didn’t need you before.” Scott hadn’t meant to say it like that. He knew how much of a mistake it was when he saw Derek’s gutted expression for the split second that it was there. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re right. I won’t contact you anymore unless it’s something important, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It’s not.”

“Then I don’t know what you’re doing here.”

“I came to find out about us,” Scott repeated.

Actual annoyance started creeping into Derek’s voice. “You already said that and I’ve told you. We’re pack. I’m your beta.” He just wanted this conversation to be over.

“We’re more than just pack.”

“No. We aren’t.”

“But we were,” the alpha insisted.

“Scott-”

“No! You don’t get to make up some bullshit story. I heard the nurses when I was at the hospital. They said you stayed with me every day since I was in the hospital. Then for a whole week you were at my house trying to make me remember who you were and looking like I kicked your puppy when I couldn’t remember a thing. And when you stopped coming around, I was glad because at least I didn’t have to look at you being disappointed at me. But then I couldn’t be glad anymore because suddenly I couldn’t get you out of my head. And I don’t even know why because for whatever reason no one will tell me. So you don’t just get to say that we’re just pack. Because we’re not.”

Derek dropped his façade, his shoulders slumping. “I’m the reason.”

“What?”

“I’m the reason no one will tell you why. I told them not to,” Derek admitted.

“Why would you do that?”

Derek walked past him and went beyond the door that was on the other side of the apartment. Scott could see that it was a bedroom. Derek walked out with something in his hand. A picture frame, he realized just before Derek thrust said item towards him. “That was taken a week before the accident.” He wanted to yell at Cora for taking it. He wasn’t really a fan of having his pictures taken without permission. But now he was grateful to her that she had.

Scott took the frame and looked at the picture in it. It was a picture of both of them in this apartment, sitting on Derek’s couch. His back was against Derek who had his arm around him, their fingers interlocked. Scott had his head turned, it looked like he was whispering something in the other’s ear. Whatever it was, made both of them smile. Their posture was casual, easy, like they had done this a hundreds of times. Scott would not be surprised if they had. The only thing that did surprise him was Derek. There was a happiness the one in the picture possessed that Scott has not seen in the one in front of him.

Scott realized that he wanted to see that happiness in Derek again and it ached that he has not gotten the chance since he woke up. And all of it was his fault.

“We were together.” It wasn’t a question, but Derek affirmed it anyway. “For how long?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not going to help you remember anyway.”

“Have you ever thought that the reason I don’t remember is because you’ve been feeding me half-truths? How do you expect me to remember if you didn’t tell me that we were dating?”

“You don’t get it, Scott. Whatever this is, it was caused to make you forget me.”

“I’m pretty sure I got that part.”

Derek let out a miserable laugh. “No, you haven’t. The only common denominator to everything you’ve forgotten is me. I’ve been looking it up. There isn’t much but I from everything I could piece together, this was happened to you because of me. You got hurt because of me.”

Scott frowned at the statement.  “That doesn’t even make sen-”

“Yes, it does. There have been people trying to hurt me for years,” he said sadly. “It’s out of spite, revenge, or I don’t know some sort of sick joy. But when I joined the pack, _your_ pack, it became harder for them. So they took that away.”

Scott pressed his lips together. Memories or not, if there was someone hurting his pack, he wanted to know. “Who did this?”

“I don’t know,” Derek shrugged. He really had no clue but was no indication that he was wrong. “And I’m not really sure I care.”

“You’re kidding right?” Scott asked, outraged. “You don’t care that something did this to you? To us?”

“There is no us anymore, Scott.” Derek gave up on concealing the hurt in his voice. He was in pain, Scott already knew why so there was no reason to anymore. What he had no idea would happen is Scott grabbing on to his shirt with a pained expression on his face.

“Yes there is. Why do you think I’m here, Derek? Whatever this is, whoever did this, they took away my memories but they couldn’t get rid of _you_.”

Derek placed his hands over Scott’s, he meant to pull them away and free himself of the grip but they just remained there. Holding on. “You’re not making any sense.”

Scott deflated a little but his grip stayed just as strong. “I know. That’s because what I feel doesn’t make sense. I don’t remember you, Derek. Not even a little before the coma.” Scott could see that the statement hurt the other werewolf and that drove him crazy. He wanted to comfort this person who was essentially a stranger to him and he had only one explanation for it. “But I think I love you.”

“Scott that doe-” Derek started but Scott cut him off. He had no desire to hear it again. “I hated it when you were around. I hated to see that disappointment in your eyes when I couldn’t remember you. I was happy when you left because it meant that I wouldn’t have to see you sad again. But then you weren’t around anymore and I wanted you to be. I wanted to wake up in the morning and see you downstairs with my Mom. I wanted you to look at me and give that small hesitant smile you always used to when you saw me. I missed you, Derek. I had no reason to but you were still the last thought on my mind every single day.”

“Ho- How is that even possible?” Derek stuttered out.

Scott shrugged, letting go of the older werewolf’s shirt but hands remaining on Derek’s chest. “I don’t know. I guess I must have really been in love with you.”

“But things are different now.” Derek had no idea whether he should laugh or cry. The person he loved the most was saying that _somehow_ he still loved him back but there was no way they could go back to being what they were.

“Different can be good.”

“Or it can be bad.”

“Are you always this negative?” Scott asked, sounding somewhere between amused and frustrated.

A small smile played on Derek’s  lips and Scott felt a sense of pride. It seemed like a rare thing. “I used to be. I had someone to help me with that.”

The words sounded sad to Scott despite the laughter. He knew what they meant, who he meant. “You obviously still need help so…”

“I can’t lose you again.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be pushing me away,” Scott pointed out. “We’re still the same people the other fell in love with. This is guaranteed to work out.”

“No, it’s not. We worked because of our history, Scott. We worked because of who we were and who we became. Together. You can’t be in love with someone you don’t know.”

“I know but it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel like I do. I’ll get to know you. And then we will go from the people who we are now to who we will be together.”

Derek wanted to give in. It meant  that he would have Scott back even if not wholly. But the thought of losing Scott after giving himself hope, it terrified him. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Would I have? Before?”

Derek stared at the alpha. They both knew the answer to that question. “No. You’ve always been stubborn.”

“I guess we have something in common.” Scott looked at the frame in his hand before handing it back to Derek. “Maybe we can start with something small?”

Derek took back the frame, staring down at the picture in it. He wondered if they really would be able to go back to who they were. But if there was even a slight possibility shouldn’t he give it a try? It was what Scott had taught him. Fight for something even if it was hard. If he was lucky it will all be worth the pain.

“You want some blueberry pancakes?” he asked. Scott smiled, that smile that meant the world to him because it was just for him.

“I’d love some. They’re my-“

“Favorite. I know.” Derek nodded towards the kitchen. “I’ll make them for you.”

He placed the frame on the table next to the couch, where it was for four months. Hopefully it always will be because for the first time Derek had someone who loved him. Truly loved him. Someone who he did not have to worry about leaving him because even when he could, Scott came back.


End file.
